Tuesday, 21 May 2013

Koh Kood - Gangsta's Paradise

A friend just told me about Gizoogle, an app which ‘pimps’ out your profile, translating it into gangsta slang. Here’s what it says about Kao Jai Thailand: Travel thug Julie Miller n' her musings on Thailand, where she'd rather be n' aint a thugged-out damn thang dat yo' ass can do."

Today I was planning to write about Koh Kood, another of my “places in the heart” - my favourite destinations in Thailand. I don’t think I could do it more justice, however, than to simply rehash a previous story I wrote about the island, gizoogle-style... 

“WHEN I stumble across tha mythical "road less travelled", itz up in tha last place I expect. Yet here it lies before me - brand freshly smoked up n' smooth, without a cold-ass lil hoopty or motorcycle up in sight fo' realz. All hopez of hailin a ride immediately dissolve; seems I have no chizzle but ta hoof it ta mah destination five kilometres away. 

This surely must be a gangbangin' first fo' Thailand - a road wit no traffic. But Koh Kood is no ordinary Thai destination; itz a island defined by its resistizzle ta tha trappings of 21st-century tourism. Imagine - no airport, straight-up few hoopties, no ATMs, no 7-Elevens n' no McDonald's. Thanks ta tha effortz of enlightened locals wit a eye on sustainability, Thailandz fourth-largest island remains paradise found. 

In tha far eastsideern reachez of tha Gulf of Thailand near tha Cambodian border, Koh Koodz remotenizz has been its saviour. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. Just gettin here requires time n' effort; itz at least a one-hour speedboat ride from tha closest mainland port of Trat, while tha hood ferry takes bout three hours. 

Like most visitors ta tha island, however, I arrive via Koh Koodz larger n' mo' ghettofab sista island, Koh Chang, a two-hour journey by speedboat. Though I aint booked any accommodation, I've had ta nominizzle where I be bout ta be dropped off; on a gangbangin' fellow travellerz recommendation, I chizzle Koh Kood Resort.” 

You get the idea, no need for me to take the joke any further! 

Basically, if you’re after a pristine patch of paradise, where the water is warm and clear, the beaches soft and white and the accommodation still affordable, you need look no further than Koh Kood. 

There’s not much to do, mind, except for laze around, read a good book, or maybe hang out in a beach bar watching the sunset. There’s a waterfall to visit, and a fishing village. And countless secluded bays to swim in. If you’re after nightlife or shopping, forget it - this is the Thailand of old, simple, traditional and totally sublime. 

Suffice to say, Koh Kood is truly da shit.

Pics: Julie Miller

No comments:

Post a Comment